Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
