I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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