You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
