I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
