there's paper in my vomit.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize