I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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