Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
