i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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