I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
