Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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