I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
