i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
