im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Randomize
