my mouth tastes like poor choices
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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