But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
