Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
