I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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