I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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