I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
