why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
