Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
