I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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