hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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