whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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