Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
