i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
