im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
