She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
