How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize