i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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