Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
