420 ftw
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
