The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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