I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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