I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
