No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
