We won't sleep together?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
