hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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