I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
