thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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