Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize