I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize