You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
