remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
