I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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