Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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