just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She bit a glass in half.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
