I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
