Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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