I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
