oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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