Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
