Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
