dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
