Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
