Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
