I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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