i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
