Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
