I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is my gift to your gina
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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