That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
