I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
it was like eating out sand paper
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
