I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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