Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize