she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This baby is an asshole
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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