imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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