Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
