Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
