when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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