4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
